Monday, July 9, 2007

All’s fair in love and war?

‘If you can’t win over her, kill her’- that’s what seems to be on the minds of people in love these days. In fact, it’s ignominious to identify them as lovers. People no longer seem to understand the sanctity of love.

Talking of love, the Taj Mahal should certainly light up your mind, now that it’s become the talk of the town. The sheer radiance of this marble-clad massive mausoleum basking under the sunlight or its sparkling reflection rippling through the adjacent Yamuna river by the moonlight are inspiring enough to make one fall in love. The Mughal Emperor Shah Jehan made this architecture over the tomb of his beloved wife Mumtaj Mahal to exhibit his eternal love for her.


On the one hand, we talk about voting for this epitome of immortal love to bring it into the new Seven Wonders of the World, and on the other hand we hear about people resorting to killing their love in desperation. Well indeed, love has diverse definitions; that’s the parody of life. Anyway, the news channels are making big business either way!

Cases of people slaying down their own fiancées have increased multi-fold. It’s almost become an everyday episode. It was barely a couple of months from now when this 24-year-old software professional Kaushambi Layek, a TCS employee was murdered by her boyfriend at a suburban hotel in Mumbai. And now it’s this girl, Sushma Nikam who was brutally stabbed to death by her ‘lover’ on the busy streets of Thane amidst all the passers-by rushing to their workplaces. But despite their busy schedules, the otherwise-always-on-their-toes Mumbaikars did find the time to watch the ‘tamasha’, though they refrained from coming forward to the victim’s rescue. Due respect to the one lady who lent a helping hand – laudable! (I think everyone should start wearing ‘choodiyan’, if that makes one brave!) The victim was stabbed 21 times by the attacker in broad daylight, and that’s precisely the kind of social situation where we prefer to stay mum and stand as oblivious onlookers. Well, no one can be blamed. The sight would have been gruesome enough for anybody to think of taking instantaneous action. Picture ourselves witnessing such cruelty. We never know how we would react given the same circumstances - terrified…petrified…mortified…stupefied? A real situation is not an ideal situation! But people will be people – great talkers, little doers, especially when it comes to condemning each others’ doings. And the Press will be Press, when it comes to dramatizing the audience's reactions to add some spice to their hottest selling news!

Anyway, returning to my point, I was mentioning the different dimensions of love, or is this a typical case of pure love versus lust? Cliché as it may sound, but that’s the fact! Desire - want – get – acquire, these are the thoughts occupying people’s minds. Whoever said, one should learn to give in love. Forget giving one’s own life, even that’s an offence punishable by law! But taking away someone else’s life? This only confirms that we show no concern for anybody but our own selves. Self contentment is all that matters and we can stoop to any level to acquire that, though that may account to somebody else’s grief.

Can we still call ourselves humans or are we turning into callous and cold-blooded creatures, heartless hooligans? All said and done, one thing is confirmed – ‘All’s fair in love and war’, and people seem to have taken that a bit too literally. When this was phrased, little would the author have expected that there would be a phase, where love would lose its face following this very adage. And with many more ‘lovely’ centuries to go, even God might not be able to answer where mankind would lie and where humanity would be…

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Different approach...I like it...

Violence,obsession and selfishness has become so much intertwined and synonymous with love now-a-days that you really begin to think that the "true love" and "lived happily ever-after" stuff that we have heard in fairy tales,were just that(fairy tales),after all!!!

I'm definitely not going to launch into a preaching of love but yes,it's really great to fall in love;-)

You can never hurt the one you love...Forget directly causing damage to them,can you even think of some harm coming in the way of your parents,siblings or fiancee???

These killers who were supposedly in love with the ones they killed could never have actually loved them...It was either lust or money...I dont' know...For the victim,it was a "Fatal Attraction"...

How can you kill or hurt the one you are in love with?You dream of spending your life with them but because they don't love you the way you want them to,you kill them?
Wah!!!That's the height of selfishness...I agree it's extremely difficult to let go of someone precious to you,but trust me,if they're not happy being with you,you can never be truly happy...So it's better to let go and take control of your life than spoiling someone else's:-))

Nice style of writing...

- Maya

Neeraj said...

Disclaimer: I will not preach on this topic. This isn't my area of expertise anyway. ;)

In more ways than one, I tend to share your concern over the ridiculous stuff that masquerades as love today.
The instances you've mentioned of jilted "lovers" attacking their "loved ones" are chilling to say the least. For such people, the urge to possess and acquire seems to override the unconditionality and innocence that defines love. Moreover, the crass commercialisation of "love" is something that has become a reality of the times.

Having said that, to conclude that the universal definitions of love are being degraded might be fallacious. We have over 3 dozen "news" channels who struggle to fill in their 24 hours of news. Sensational incidents like these that help them stay afloat. I suspect that our awareness of such incidents has increased at a faster clip than the incidents themselves thanks to such breathless coverage.

To label the entire race of humans as "heartless" may not be an accurate thing to do. After all, there are all type of people in this world - some nice, some not so nice.

Unknown said...

Hey Aarti,
Thats a nice issue you've dealt with.
Love Has become just like Taj mahal. Due to poor maintanence and lots of pollution, the Taj is loosing its Shine. Its the same with love. Love today, Mearly remains a 4 letter word!

dashingkris said...

i agree with u (and also Maya)... These days it more of lust than love. Though i don't know wat exactly the guys go through after a break up ;-), but killing some1 is not justified, irrespective of u hate them or (used to) love them (Vaastav was an exception, where Sanju baba's mom killed him to release him..attain Moksh!)... U might be frustrated to the core, but again killing is not the soultion! the challenge is to overcome the frustration!!!

phew...sahi hai...btw, like every1 mentioned out here: i too am not preaching!

PS: adi..relax...i am not competing with u wrt preaching!

dashingkris said...

nitya... i hope the 4 letter word is "LOVE"!!!! ;-)

Unknown said...

Hi Aarti,

Nice article....I am a true believer in the magic of love and really condemn all such acts..

Aw good u wrote on this topic...
Hope to read your blogs in future two...if u send me the links.


Forever for Freiends,
Manish Garg

MD said...

I guess the main reason why people resort to this kind of actions (killing lovers) is because we as a generation are not able to handle rejection. People see rejection as a failure, as something negative. To the ‘get rich quick’ generation, a negative answer is a major setback. We are all taught that winning is important, but nobody tells us that failing is also a part of winning. This mentality of people makes them resort to such extreme measures.

Nikesh said...

wen i saw the news abt a man killing his lover (sushma) i was petrified as well as mortified...at least some1 shud hv saved tht innocent soul who was brutally stabbed 21 times!!!!!can u imagine...

As u all knw this is not the single such case...last yr a man threw acid on his lover's face...such lethal love only disparages the true lovers...

hope all the lovers vl read this article....

Nikesh said...

mayuri i agree wid u....

but its not only abt fear of rejection but also abt the 'ego'...an egoist vl only think abt himself...

Vivek said...

There is a fine line between love and obsession. An excess of even heavenly ambrosia could become venomous, so what be said of love!
True love is understanding that the heart you crave to possess would be yours in truth only when you don't need to make an effort to possess it. While being possessive and all is fine, but as said before, within a proper limit alone is it justifiable.

The Taj is a symbol of love, a celebration of a man's undying affection for his beloved, and at the same time, it is a mausoleum, a temple of death. How one chooses to look at it shapes the way they look at life, and at love. Tagore called it a teardrop on the face of time; tears can come because of happiness or grief. The tear doesn't tell the story of its origin.

aditya said...

It is not love that drives people to horrendous acts of savagery. Obsession is at the root of it all.
As for being meek spectators of such violence, I accept that maybe even I would have done the same. Somewhere, society lacks courage. Such incidents must serve as wake-up calls. Hopefully, there will be a change for the better!

A Mangled Soul said...

As Aditya said, it certainly cant be love. Mayuri hit the nail on its head (wonder if i am using the phrase correctly :) ) - in the end thats what it is all about - our inability to take 'NO' for an answer.

But what scares, actually horrifies me more is how people crowd around to enjoy the 'SHOW'.

In this context, Neerajs' words would haunt me forever: 'Hum apni samvedna kho chuke hain'

Aarti Ramanan said...

It is not only due to the fear of rejection that people resort to such acts. In most of these cases, its the victim who pleads to have a committed relationship, and its the attacker who wants it otherwise. So, rejection doesm't find its place here. Also, I don't find 'obsession' finding a reason for this.

Mahesh said...

i don't understand how people can kill someone whom they supposedly love. A man has to loose his sanity to commit such a horrendous act. All this could probably stem out from the hatred developed due to rejection, jealousy. But no amount of hatred justifies killing a person.
Speaking of people being mute spectators to a broad daylight murder, it is indeed pathetic. It is hard to imagine how no one took the initiative to intervene.
Such kind of incidents are on the rise. As adi pointed out, these incidents should trigger a change in the overall security sytem of our society. It is high time that our society starts valuing human life!!

the_jackal said...

I always wonder... When a lot of people are present to witness some gruesome incident taking place.... I can understand no one individual having the courage to do something... but what stops three to four people getting together and taking action???
Am sure its only a matter of a single individual taking a small step towards taking some action...


May it be the gateway incident or this one, where does all the vigour and bindaas attitude of our people vanish?

One really wonders... is moral decadence and the accompanying evils ever going to leave us... Most definitely not... Possibly, we are going to reconcile to this just like with all our other troubles...

Roopali said...

Love is blind they say!how true it is.It makes people blind in the sense that they can't make out the difference between good and bad right or wrong.It is just a matter of win and lose,no sacrifice and tolerence.Their male ego comes in the way(as most of these have been committed by males)their madness drives them to such lengths where love no longer matters and the lover becomes more of an object which can only belong to a particular person, than an individual whom one would share their joys and sorrows.
Such people ought to punished and shouldn't be shown any mercy.

And about public behaviour on any crime being committed in front of them,if a group of people get together then matters could be less worse.But then everyone may think why should I go,no one thinks that we all should go.All depends on one's presence of mind and courage at that decisive moment!

Aarti Ramanan said...

Neeraj,
I agree with you that our awareness about such 'sansani khabrein' has increased due to relentless telecasting by those dozens of news channels. But these do get repititive, excessive and above all melodramatic. They think dramatizing everything attracts more viewers. Moreover since there are so many 24*7 news channels, news no longer seem crisp.

And regarding, terming everyone as heartless... after all 'we' are the people!

Aarti Ramanan said...

Thanks Maya, Neeraj, Nitya, Kris, Manish, Mayuri, Nikesh, Vivek, Adi, Vinay, Mahesh, Raj, Roops... for reading my post and sharing your opinions on the same!

Vivek, I like the way you look at life! Such lucid explanation.

Adi, yes the society should learn from these and change for the better.

Raj,
Its only human tendancy to save one's own life on priority.
People have not lost their vigour. Its just the degree of severity of the circumstance that determines the willingness of the people to come forward in such situtions. These are the same people who've helped during the 26/7 or the 11/7 attacks.
But probably the knife on the hand of the attacker frightened them off this time.

Anonymous said...

A good, thought provoking article! More often than not 'Love' is confused with 'passion' rather than 'compassion' Even the Love(ly) Taj has a dark side which few people care to be reminded of. No doubt, it is an architectural marvel. But, it also symbolises the arrogance of a King 'In love' who ordered that the fingers of tens of thousands of poor artisans be cut off lest they may recreate the marvel! No wonder it has remained a unique piece of art.
Well, keep writing. Let your imagination run riot!
Luv, Aunt Raji.

Phani said...

Hi Aarti. thanks for the comment. keep blogging.